March update: Goddess Stephanie stars with Princess Lyne in Bikinis Fatale, as the Blondes continue their impoverish-and-destroy misssion.
You know you ought to hang up the line and turn off the webcam — and pronto — but as Lyne and Stephanie turn up the seduction in their lace-edged bikinis, you find yourself signing and faxing... and then listening in horror as they lay out their evil plans for your demise...
and you realize, you want to die for her! It's two blondes carrying out the dark desire that's haunted your brain for a long time, sending you into femme fatale oblivion. It was your fantasy, dickhead.
NAME: The Suicide Hotline, Inc. (also, DieForMe.com.)
GROUP CODENAME:The Suicide Blondes
PLAYED BY: Goddess Stephanie, Kendra James, Princess Lyne, Princess Shia
THE Blondes: BUSINESS STRATEGY
Suicide Blondes is a former mental-health suicide hotline service that was taken over by Princess Lyne and Goddess Stephanie — and is now dedicated to encouraging males to sign over their entire net worth to the corporation and then kill themselves, usually in spectacular, high-profile ways. Group founder Princess Lyne once induced a major professional athlete to jump out of an airplane at halftime of a professional football game, a seduction she later called "intentional grounding."
It's also, of course, one of the more creative and entrepreneurial femdom organizations in history. Rather than following a traditional business model of taking contracts from underworld families, the Suicide Blondes often seek out their own targets. In these cases, of course, their goal in most cases is not "merely" a contract for $1 million to $10 million, but the entire net worth of some of the most powerful men in the world... "three comma money," in the words of Suicide Blond co-founder Kendra James.
The business-minded blondes have even set up substantial press operation and investment arm to take advantage of opportunities arising from the high-profile power-deaths. In 2007, when the U.S. government put out a bounty on a leading Arab dictator and terrorist sponsor, Princess Lyne developed a relationship with him and ordered the Middle Eastern despot to hang himself on Al Jazirra television. (See Chicago Tribune headline nearby.) Lyne's promoter, the myserious Maxine "2" d'Ivor, not only produced a flood of press leaks that helped attract attention for the group, but established short positions on several major oil producers likely to suffer when their contracts with the country were cancelled or re-negotiated.
THE Blondes: HAVING FUN
As bottom-line focused as the ladies are, they occasionally carry out missions simply for their sheer amusement. In 2009, Lyne, Stephanie, and Kendra James had a personal "male disposal" contest in which they competed to see which of them could inspire the most pathetic suicide.
The femmes have been quite secretive about the winner or the nature of that contest; they plan to release several video clips in 2011-2012 that will detail some of the extreme lengths to which they were able to drive their slaves. It is believed, however, that Princess Stephanie posted an online video message to the majority owner of one of the largest high rises in Manilla. After viewing it, he jumped off the top of his own building during a Filipino Independence Day parade. (See the promotional trailer for that video, Jump!, nearby.)
"We do this for money and power, of course," Kendra James remarks. "But we also like to have fun." Princess Lyne adds: "In our own way, we're inventing a whole new fetish catetory for Clips4Sale. I call this the 'lemming instruction clip.' "
Thus, in some recent cases, the ladies in some cases don't even bother with the wealth transfer, and drive their victims to self-destruction simply for kicks. For this reason, the "Blondes" are considered among the most heartless of the femdom and female assassin groups in the world.
THE Blondes: ORIGINS
Suicide Blondes was inspired by Princess Lyne's experience working as a temp for James Vienna, the CEO of a Chicago sausage-making company. The head of the firm began making advances, peppering Lyne with emails, invitations, and eventually, an offer to take his fill-in clerical worker on a worldwide tour aboard his yacht, which he proposed to rename The Blonde Pearl.
Lyne actually considered dating the fellow — "hey, he was kind of cute, he was rich, and he sort of shy" — and was simply waiting to respond to make him a little desperate. Apparently her strategy worked better than she planned. When Lyne failed to accept his invitation to lunch at the swank Pump Room one afternoon, Vienna began to despair, begging Lyne to go out with him and threatening to kill himself if she didn't.
"Sadly, I was washing my hair when his last text message came in," Lyne chortles. "I say 'sadly' because I later realized that he was planning to offer to sign over his entire fortune to me if I would simply go out with him a few times and allow him to lick my feet while I smashed them into his face." Determined to gain Lyne's attention, Vienna that evening tied himself to an assembly belt and had himself fed into one of the company's sausage-making machines.
"Now that was gross," she sniffs today. "But sort of funny too. I always think about it when I have a hot dog at Soldier Field."
At about that time, Goddess Stephanie was working as a showgirl at The Wynn in Las Vegas. She was backstage when one of the casino's high rollers, Liepdowna Osaka, came back to her dressing room and begged her to go out with him. When she declined, he offered to give her "everything he had" in exchange for one night out... after which he would go away and never bother her again. He explained: "I can't possibly live without you anyway."
Luckily for both ladies, Lyne happened to be on vacation, and was rooming with Stephanie for the week at a sublet time-share in Planet Hollywood. Remembering her experience with Vienna, Lyne encouraged Stephanie to take him up on the offer — but make sure that the appropriate paperwork had been taken care of. Together they called Kendra James, a UNLV law student Lyne knew was also working on adult films to pay tuition. The three of them agreed to form a partnership, splitting the net work of Osaka and any future suicide victims they should lure...
... and the Suicide Blondes was born. Osaka turned over his substantial fortune to Stephanie, signing the documents while Lyne and Kendra trampled him in his Wynn penthouse. After hearing, at the end of their date, that Goddess Stephanie would never see him again, Osaka arranged to have himself encased in cement and dumped at the bottom of the UNLV swimming pool, where his body was found the next morning.
